Why is Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

It was an awful and cold winter in Lapland. Even the reindeers had to wear warm clothes, just so they could go out of their stables that were always decorated with the tangerine tinsel. Exactly in those days, as Christmas was approaching, the reindeers had to pass a test chosen by Santa Clause, to establish who will be the leader of the reindeer. The last such test was to be held in that year and it was supposed to be a running contest. On the day before the contest, the cold was ruling like a king in Lapland. Cupid, who was the leader of the reindeer in that year, told his colleagues:

“My dear, Comet, Dancer, Dasher, Donner, Prancer and Vixen, luckily Rudolph is not here. Rudolph the Reindeer rarely catches colds, but now he has caught the worst flu.”

“Cccccupid, ccccccouldn’t yyyou jjust gggget ttto tttthe ssssubject?” said Blitzen.

“Yes, yes! Just stop stuttering. Let’s propose another contest. I don’t want anyone to catch the flu. However, Rudolph should not be good at it.”

From that moment on, in the stables, there was a fuss unheard of. All the reindeer were coming up with ideas: Blitzen proposed “aaaa rrrrrhyme cccccontest”; Comet thought that fighting was better; Dancer, with the famous cha-cha’s, would have liked a dancing contest; Donner, Dasher’s nemesis, wanted a “gentlemen” contest so she and Vixen could be pampered; Prancer, the joker of the team, wanted a joke contest, so they could raise the spirits of Mister and Misses Claus; Vixen, the other lady in the team, wanted a romantic declaration contest.

“I listened carefully to your answers. I liked them all. I think, however, that I have the right to have an opinion, an idea. I would like a pun contest. We’re all good at it. We are old and we heard enough from children and adults saying all sorts of sentences such as ‘Santa sleighs sometimes’ or ‘George gives gifts’. Alliterations they are called. If I remember correctly you made one today ‘Rudolph the Reindeer rarely catches colds’”

“Yes!” agreed all the reindeer.

All of a sudden it was silence. Santa came to check on them. Cupid was lost.

“Mister… Santa… couldn’t we... ”

“Cupid, if you want to say something, just say it!”

“... a pun contest.”

“Okay! Rudolph!”

“There will be no more flight, running, jumping or any other contest of such. We will have a pun contest.”

“Okay, Mr Claus!”

“Mrs Claus, bring the red nose wand!”

“Yes, Mr Claus.”

“From this year on, there will be no more contests! We choose a reindeer-leader and that’s it!” said Mrs Calus. “LET THE GAME BEGIN!”

“Reindeer’s romanticism regulated she reindeer,” said Cupid.

“What?” said Miss Donner. “Annoying Cupid...”

“BIIIIIIP!” a sound was heard.

“This was the pun machine. You were wrong! Next! Someone else!”

“Assisted the accident of accidents,” said Comet.

“Dashing Donner, the toughest tough, deceives the ‘dons’,” said Madam Vixen, not being able to attain from getting angry at Donner, who insulted her boyfriend, Cupid.

“Dasher takes the task of taking dgifts.”

“Dasher, you lose points! Dgifts is not a word!”

“Bbbbbbug’s bbbbboat bbbbbanana bbbbird.”

“Blitzen, I know you’ve been struck by lightning, but a boat cannot banana a bird!” said Santa.

“Dance distances darling dancers from donnas.”

“DAAAAANNNNNNCCCCCCEEEEEEER! You are the most talented of all and you say such a thing!” shouted Mrs Claus, who adored Dancer. “Prancer, please say something good!”

“Paco the Playing Parrot preys the place.”

“PPPPP, oh! What playing parrot preys the place? I will make a soup out of you!” Mrs Claus got mad again.

“Rudolph, come on! Why are you crying?”

“Mr Claus, how could I not cry when I see so much injustice! They, they, they plotted for a contest I will not be good at. I heard them!”

“I heard them too, Rudy! Now come on, shut them up! You have ten seconds to find the best pun. I am counting! 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0. Say it!”

“Rudolph the Reindeer, resolute, resigned, rarely realizes the reality of the reindeer’s wrongs.”

“Redicus-nosicus-bum!” said Mrs Claus.

“Oh, this cannot be true!”

“Ho, ho, ho! Yes, it can! Good job, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”

My dear readers, I want you to know that Mrs Claus, asked by Rudolph, makes your noses red when you come in from the cold because you win a fierce fight with the cold.

Here you have a pic of me in the fourth grade, reading this in front of my classmates!

P.S. This was not easy to translate!