1800 - Feminism or Misandry?

Today I’ll talk about books I’ve read or am reading. This is my first article like this and I don’t know yet whether it will be a good one or not. Therefore, please leave me a little feedback somewhere. I’m looking forward to your opinions, suggestions, objections or dissatisfaction as comments or private messages. And please, keep in mind that I don’t have too much knowledge of literary criticism (yet), although I’ve read some and I am in no way implying I am better than the classic Jane Austen or Elizabeth Gaskell.

As I might have told you before, I consider myself an “analytical” reader. Every time I read a book I think of all sorts of connections and backgrounds and I try to understand the characters and authors as well as I can, I tie elements of the author’s biography to characters and so on.

Now I am reading Jane Austen’s Emma (while the cat is sleeping on me), and around this time last year, I was reading Elizabeth Gaskell’s North and South. I was so fascinated by Margaret, the main character in North and South, that she became the starting point for one of my projects for the English class. As I was working on my project, I got to know Margaret so well that I found myself comparing her to Emma. The girls are close age-wise (19 and 21), and the books they belong to come from near periods of time (1855 and 1815).

Let me tell you why I started writing about books.

Although Margaret and Emma appeared more than 160 years ago, they seem to be the most modern girls. Taking them a bit (more) out of context, I can see them enjoying an iced coffee at Starbucks at the mall and gossipping about hitting on John Thornton or Mr Frank Churchill respectively. Now take any of these girls and put them back in the book. Their behaviour, seen from a modern point of view, is one that many, too many people would hate. I don’t know yet what changes will appear in Emma’s behaviour until the end of the book, but I can surely say that Margaret could be considered a symbol of strong women by the end of the book. However, it seems to me that if there wouldn’t have been some events with a huge emotional impact on her, she would have never been like this. Again, I have no idea what will happen to Emma, I only got to the middle of the book, but at this moment she is what the internet would call a “basic white girl”.

And here’s my question… Feminism or Misandry?

I won’t talk at all about both characters’ ideas of never getting married. Instead, I cannot not link them to today’s girls who are more than criticised if they decide to put their career on the first place or who just do not want to be tied to someone through documents. Emma showed up 200 years ago set on the idea that she never wants a husband and still today being unmarried seems to be the biggest sin. What is more, Emma and Margaret think they are too superior to be satisfied by any man they know and I believe that here they cross the line between feminism and misandry. And here we cross the line between feminism and misandry even today. More than feminism and misandry, we’re talking about the line between knowing yourself and feeling superior.

It’s good to have a good opinion about yourself, maybe this is the most important thing. It is clearly the most important to put yourself in the first place whether you are a woman or a man. But what I think is missing, and I see it has been a need for about 200 years, is a way to recognise your value and promote it without making the person next to you feel less valuable. Both Emma and Margaret have extraordinary opinions about themselves, other people have very good opinions about them, but their opinions on other people...

I’ve been like them for a while. Before high school, I thought I was definitely superior to my classmates. It’s true, grade-wise I was. But because of this, I was bullied so much I was counting down days until the end of the 8th grade so I can start over with new people. In time, I grew up, I asked for feedback from people who were close to me, I made lists of my toxic behaviours and worked to improve. My years of volunteering also helped a lot. I’m not saying I am totally cured of superiority and arrogance, I still have my Diva moments. And I know I’m not the only one. I often noticed that girls (and some boys) who have good self-esteem, go in the “Margaret - Emma” extreme.

I was wondering a while ago when did we get to the conclusion that men had to text first? Basically, when was it decided that men should humiliate themselves and risk rejection? Probably one of the reasons is the idea that men are not allowed to feel, to cry, to suffer &c. But I think that this self-esteem problem that turns into superiority and misandry had something to do with this. And my “when” got to 1815 when Emma was written, but something makes me think this practice is even older.

I am curious about what made Jane Austen and Elizabeth Gaskell build some women characters who, although they are amazing in many ways, suffer from superiority? Why couldn’t they be a strong and altruistic young woman - Margaret or diplomatic and witty - Emma? Okay, these are rhetorical questions. I understand the concept of the two characters and I’m afraid the two authors made a mistake that we keep repeating even today, after more than 200 years. Trying to give an example for feminism, we get to misandry. Trying to promote ourselves, we get to superiority.

What I find most depressing is that we can’t even start to work on these details today, because that’s what the limits are, some details. We haven’t yet learned to love ourselves. We haven’t yet learned what we are capable of as human beings (women or men). We haven’t yet learned to appreciate our qualities. We haven’t yet learned to put ourselves in the first place.

How should we learn to appreciate others?